When I was young, I had many dreams and few achievements. Now I have many achievements and few dreams, and I wonder if I am truly the richer for it.
Many years after Bob Willie White was a member of the Motown house band, playing guitar on songs that sold tens or hundreds of millions of records, Bob and some friends were having dinner at a restaurant in LA, and on the movie ‘Standing in the Shadows of Motown’ one of his friends related the following tale:
While the waiter was taking their order the song ‘Ive Got Sunshine’ began playing. After the waiter left, Bob White said he almost told the waiter that he was the guitarist who played those opening notes, but he just couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. His friend ruefully observed that Bob still didn’t recognize his supreme accomplishments as a musician, he still wasn’t Living the Dream…
Those words resonated with me and I have thought about Bob’s timidity many times in the years since I watched that movie. The words ‘Not Living the Dream’ became a metaphor in my mind for the notion of being successful but not feeling successful. But then there is the more difficult question: How does one address this, how does one ‘Live the Dream’? I don’t think its an invitation to boorish bragging or a sense of elitism.
Many understand the importance of respecting all people. And many know that being modest, or at least appearing modest, is an essential social skill. In addition, doesn’t a sense of failing in one’s duties have an important place in the scheme of things? Shouldn’t those who shirk their responsibilities out of laziness, or excessive self-indulgence, feel some heat? Shouldn’t they kick themselves in the butt, cowboy up, or whatever it takes, and start doing their part? Absolutely.
But what if one has a sense of unease caused by the feeling that one has come up short, and that the apparent cure for this unease is to drive one’s self harder, to take more risks, to embrace stress? What if one’s sense of insufficient success is in fact impervious to achievement, making life a difficult and narrow-minded journey with an ever-receding Shangri La just over the next hill? I take no pleasure in acknowledging that this mode of thinking is not entirely unfamiliar to me, and reflecting on a life lived this way can be a grim exercise.
So what is Living the Dream? Another ever-receding Happyland? I hope not. Surely its something that must be done in the moment if it is to be done at all. I encourage my sons to Live The Dream, to feel their success and know that at any given moment they are more than I could have ever hoped they would be. I came to this place late as a father and as a man.
I reflect a lot on Tennyson’s poem Ulysses–a warrior’s defiant howl in the face of mortality. And now I wonder: is Ulysses driven by an implacable inner master to ever greater conquests, or is he thirsting to drink in the glory of the moment, an exhilarating joy of adventure?
for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
I hope and believe it is the latter. I seek that my own journeys be embraced with a joyful and eager heart, that I in spirit may smite the sounding furrows at Ulysses side. That is The Dream.